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Teenagers often ask, “What is porn?” As if it’s a new phenomenon, or something that can be avoided, and it isn’t just for the adults. We are told that sex education should be focused on talking about other aspects of a relationship, not on their bodies. We are told that porn is for adults, but adults watch porn too!
Children do not know anything about what “real” is. They only know that something they see is different from something they see on television. And yet, as an adult, we think we know better than children about what is “real.”
This common advice to “ignore porn” misses the real problem. Children look at porn every day, in magazines, on the internet, even as games on cell phones. What you are going to have to do as an adult is to figure out how to tell them about the risks. And they will be just as likely to reject you as they will accept you.
Adults can’t avoid what they don’t understand. They need to learn how to speak with teens about porn, as well as about everything else. The first step is having a frank conversation with them about what they are seeing. Tell them that there is real porn, and fake porn. Some may be impressed by how confident you are.
They may not like the idea of being naked in front of you, and they may feel embarrassed. If you show them the fake porn, and they find it arousing, then encourage them to try it again. Even when it makes them uncomfortable, you can give them another chance and give them the advice they need to know. Make sure you are being open and honest about your expectations, and they will respect you for it.
No one has to have sex in order to be a victim of porn. Pornography is not the problem. When a child is forced to watch porn, it is porn. However, when he or she watches porn and finds it arousing, it is not .
So in this case, if the child finds that it is arousing and pleasant, it isn’t . However, if the child sees porn and finds it too embarrassing to view it, it is porn. The point is to ensure that the child understands the difference between porn and reality.
Porn is dangerous. It puts both children and adults at risk for mental, physical, and emotional problems. It can lead to drug addiction, depression, and eating disorders. As an adult, you can’t change porn, but you can make sure that your children understand the difference between porn and reality.
PORN is not real, but it is very real. You can’t stop it, but you can educate your child about it and make sure that your child chooses the right kind of relationships. Remember, we aren’t all perfect and don’t get into relationships without thinking about our flaws.
Each adolescent relationship is different. We all come into and out of different experiences, and we all have different needs. No one relationship is “better” than any other, but we can learn to look at things through the eyes of our children.
In peer pressure, we cannot pretend that we are perfect and that nothing can go wrong. However, we can teach our children to avoid the bad habits and to find a way to be happy in spite of the world. And that is an education in itself. No one is perfect, but we can teach our children to recognize the good and to embrace the bad.
Kids will do what they want, when they want, where they want, and when they want. It’s up to us to provide the love, and a healthy adult conversation about porn, and if we can’t, we have to be patient and let them discover porn for themselves, with some guidance and encouragement from us.